


Plum Crazy

by tokyomidi



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, this is very slightly horny and I apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyomidi/pseuds/tokyomidi
Summary: You never thought you’d be so lucky- how did you manage to get Balder, the most beautiful man of the Alpha Epsilon Phi fraternity, to agree to go on a date with you?
Relationships: Balder (Bayonetta)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Plum Crazy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cupofcoldwater](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cupofcoldwater).



> I either over or under use commas I am so sorry

You never thought you’d be so lucky- how did you manage to get Balder, the most beautiful man of the Alpha Epsilon Phi fraternity, to agree to go on a date with you? 

He truly is a sight to behold, seemingly a god among mere mortals. Not only is he gorgeous, but he has money too- old money. He is heir to become the next CEO of Ithavoll, and you truly don’t understand why he is wasting his time on you. It’s not like you aren’t attractive, you know you are most certainly easy on the eyes, but you also are very aware he is still far out of your league. He is also a man who prioritizes his own self interests, so you can’t help but wonder what exactly he is getting out of a date with you? 

While you didn’t work up the courage to speak directly to Balder till recently, you’ve had your eyes on him for years. It’s hard to _not_ watch him, what with his perfect skin, his flowing creamy white hair, his strong presence. To your knowledge he has never been in a relationship before, at least not one serious enough to bring attention to in public. You also know he doesn’t seem to have many friends- while he is occasionally seen interacting with his fraternity brothers at events, he otherwise is occupied by extracurricular activities such as being the president of the Libertarian club, student government, and of course an internship at Ithavoll. Needless to say, it doesn’t seem he has much time to socialize, whether he wants to or not, which makes all the more surprised he accepted your invitation out.

Anyways, you can’t help but feel skeptical for the date, as you wait by the street in front of your shoddy apartment complex. You had told him you could take the bus to meet him in the downtown area of town, where all the nice shops and restaurants are located, but he had insisted on picking you up.

As you are waiting in the chilly air, bundled up head to toe in layers of clothes to keep out the cold, you see a car driving towards you that looks completely out of place. You recognize it as a 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon, and it is _extremely_ purple. As much as you loathe the muscle car and you pray that it isn’t Balder’s, you have no doubt in your mind that it is his car. Nobody in the area you live in is rich or pretentious enough to own such a car.

Sure enough, the car pulls up next to the curb in front of you, the passenger window rolling down. Balder looks as handsome as usual, and he offers you a slight tip of his head in acknowledgement. You rush into the car, wanting to escape the chilly air as quickly as possible, and he immediately starts driving away before you have even buckled up your seat belt.

You sit in silence for the first few minutes of the ride. It doesn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable, but you know the drive to downtown is still a good ten minutes away, and it feels a waste to not talk to your longtime crush during the time that you have. 

“So… nice car,” you say, “Very purple. Is that your favorite color?” 

“No. I do not have time for a favorite color, unfortunately. And it isn’t purple, it is Plum Crazy.” 

Oh… well, okay. You aren’t really sure how to respond, and you don’t understand how someone doesn’t have the time for a favorite color. Don’t you just have to like the color more than others? Is it that time consuming? 

The rest of the drive passes in silence, and you spend the rest of it contemplating the existence of colors. Once you reach downtown, he pulls the 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon in the color of Plum Crazy onto a crowded side street. It takes a few minutes to find parking, but eventually Balder finds an open spot next to a parking meter. 

As soon as he has the car parked, he turns toward you, holding out his hand with his palm extended upward. He is looking at you expectantly, and you are unsure what he wants.

“Uh…,” you start, eloquent as always.

“Quarters.” It is not a question.

“Um… you need quarters?” 

He raises a beautifully manicured eyebrow, although with his good genetics there is a chance that they are naturally that perfect. “Yes, to pay for parking.” His tone gives off the impression that he is losing his patience, and you can’t help the embarrassment that washes over you, your face heating up.

Ah, of course. Paying for parking. It’s only fair- he went out of his way to pick you up even though you were the one who asked him out, so of course you should be the one to pay for parking! You feel ridiculous for your ignorance, and it is obvious he feels the same. You immediately dig through your coin purse, scrounging out enough quarters to pay for two hours of parking, and handing them over to him.

He takes them from you, and even his hands look perfect. They are slim and long, the fingers of a man who has had the world handed to him on a silver platter, who hasn’t had to work a day of manual labor in his life. You’ve always had an appreciation for hands, and you can’t help but eye his beautiful, protruding veins. You wonder what those hands would feel like caressing you, holding you, how they could make you feel in the throes of passion. While you have unfortunately never seen him shirtless, you can only begin to imagine the way his clavicle would jut out, asking to be marked up- you aren’t typically very possessive, but you would definitely want to lay claim on a man as beautiful as Balder, to show the world that you were the one who was lucky enough to get such a catch.

Your imagination is starting to wander even further below the belt when the passenger door is yanked open, pulling you back to the present, to where Balder is leaning in the car over you, looking a little annoyed. 

“I’ve already paid for the parking. Do you plan to sit in here all evening?” 

“Sorry,” you apologize, scrambling out of the car. Could you make more of a fool yourself this evening? He probably just accepted the date because he pities you, and your lack of brain power is likely just exacerbating his negative feelings towards you. Oh well, whatever. 

Now that you are both out of the car, you get the chance to admire Balder’s outfit. He is wearing black slacks that hug his legs nicely, a white turtleneck, a black cardigan that hangs around his knees, and his shoes are, of course, expensive Oxford dress shoes. He looks nice, much nicer than you do, but you sort of expected that.

“You look good,” you tell him, wanting him to be aware you appreciate how much work he has put into his outfit. 

“I am very much aware of my appearance,” he replies. “Follow me, we are going to get ice cream. I know you likely think it is too cold outside to partake in such a delicacy, as the average person often does, but I would appreciate your cooperation. If you are a good girl then this will be all the easier, and maybe I’ll reward you later.”

You are both extremely confused and extremely turned on. Of course it’s hard to not feel a little insulted when he so obviously considers you inferior to him, but at the same time being degraded by such an attractive man is doing something for you. You nod along to his words, trailing behind him as he starts walking towards your destination.

“Words, please,” Balder says.

“U-uh… yes, sir,” you stutter out, and he turns back around to look at you, raising an eyebrow. There is a gleam of amusement in his eyes, and you know your face is on fire. 

Yeah, you definitely didn’t mean to let that slip out, but at least he seems to finally be interested in you. He reaches a hand out toward you, and it takes a moment to register that you are supposed to hold it, but once you do, he drags you forward so the two of you are walking side by side.

The rest of the walk to the ice cream shop is filled with light conversation. It seems that after your slip up earlier, he actually wants to talk to you. He tells you more about his car and his internship, and in turn you explain to him how public transportation works. He seems appalled by this, if his response, “Do all poor people have no choice but to use the bus?” is anything to go by. You try to explain that not _only_ rich people can own cars, but at that point you reach the shop, and the conversation dies.

He holds the door open for you, which has your heart beating ridiculously fast. Sexy, romantic and the 1%? Maybe this is what love feels like. Or maybe this is what wanting to climb Balder like a tree feels like. 

Ordering is a quick process- you are always a sucker for anything cherry flavored, so you order a scoop of Cherry Jubilee and he orders Vanilla. _Disgusting_. You start walking toward a table, expecting Balder to pay, when suddenly he is grabbing your arm.

“I seem to have forgotten my wallet in my 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon. Would you mind paying? I’ll make it up to you later.”

You quickly pay for the ice cream, expecting him to be sitting in the shop, but instead he is already heading out the door. Eating ice cream outside in winter? What the hell? Once again, you find yourself trailing behind him, feeling an awful lot like a puppy that is being starved of attention.

“Where are we going?”

“Fear not, my good girl, for no harm will come to you. I’m always watching over you… My dear, sweet girl.” 

Alright. So he absolutely did not answer your question, and also seems to have been possessed by a creepy spirit from the 1300s. This is becoming less sexy and more concerning, but you have a huge crush on Balder and you’ll likely never have a chance to go on a date with him again, so you let it slide.

You follow him into a shop that sells _really_ expensive clothes- you’ve never been inside before because you are poor, as Balder would say. Why are you in a clothes shop? It isn’t like you can afford to shop here, and Balder left his wallet in the car. Standing awkwardly at the front of the store, feeling out of place, you watch as he wanders around. He seems to find a pair of shoes he likes, but then he starts walking towards you, and you feel a flood of relief crashing over you- you are eager to leave the shop and do something that is hopefully more romantic.

Instead he hands you his cone, “Hold this.”

Then he returns to the shoe section and tries on the pair of formal boots he had been eyeing. They have to be at _least_ $300. This date sucks. You watch, dejectedly, as he walks around in circles, testing out the boots. At least his ass is nice, and admittedly those boots are pretty sexy. He seems to like them a lot, and you suspect he’ll return later to purchase them.

Except, instead of purchasing them later, he is pulling out the wallet he said he left in the car, and approaching the lady at the counter to pay.

Alright. Maybe he just had put them in the wrong pocket or something? Your mind is racing for reasons to excuse his earlier actions. He is literally rich, currently buying extremely expensive shoes, yet he made you pay for both the parking and the ice cream. 

Once he is done paying, he returns to you, taking his ice cream back but handing you the bag carrying his new rich person shoes. At this point you know you should tell him to fuck off, but one look at his handsome face and you know you won’t. 

“I… um… I thought you left your wallet in the car?”

Balder raises an eyebrow at your comment, but this time he doesn’t seem amused. “Did I say that? I don’t recall. Anyways, I think we’re done here.” 

He starts walking back towards the car, and this time he doesn’t offer his hand to hold. You can’t help but feel that you did something wrong- he certainly seems annoyed. This time you keep pace, the walk silent as you both finish your cones.

When you reach the car, Balder takes back his shopping bag. “Would you please be a dear and put more quarters in the meter? Parking here is a nightmare, I am sure the next person would appreciate the generosity very much." 

He’s asking you to spend _more_ of your money? Whatever, it’s just a few coins. You do as he asks, before approaching the car, Balder already comfortably seated inside. You try to pull the door open but it’s locked, so you knock on the window. Instead of unlocking the car, he rolls the window down.

“Do not touch my 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon in such a way ever again,” Balder snaps, clearly pissed off. You take a step back, startled by his strong reaction.

“I’m sorry! Can you unlock the door?”

“No. I’m sure you’ll be fine waiting for the bus on your own. Thank you for the ice cream, and I certainly hope we do this again.” With those words, he rolls the window back up and pulls away from the curb, leaving you standing there in complete shock.

Damn, that date certainly left you feeling a little Plum Crazy.


End file.
